My husband and I are at a crossroads in the lifestyle. I feel like a college kid who partied hardcore for the past three years, has gotten most of the shenanigans out of her system, and is ready to settle down. We’ve made life long friends, nearly completed our sexual buckets lists, and have hundreds of mind blowing memories to cherish into old age. The parties seem repetitive now. There is not a shortage of attractive people, however, the dance is always the same. It feels like work. Work not worth the effort.
In our years as swingers, the sexual stimulation has been enough. Meaningless sex was all we wanted. We decided long before we swapped that emotional connection was sacred, only shared within marriage. It was our safety net. No amount of great extramarital sex could compete with the bond we shared as husband and wife. Everything else was “just sex.” We weren’t playing with fire because emotions were left at the door.
It all changed when I asked permission to go on my first date alone. The man was in a long term committed relationship, looking to branch out sexually with his girlfriend. We chatted online for a few months, with evident chemistry and attraction. His girlfriend also gave the thumbs up for our date, as he was in town on business. When I walked into the Irish pub, saw his charismatic smile and felt his warm embrace for the first time, I felt like we had known each other for some time or maybe in another life. We even made the comment, agreeing that it felt like a reunion, not an introduction. We spent a few hours chatting and flirting. It was natural, effortless. We ventured to a nearby strip club, enjoying the scenery together as I sat on his lap. His lips met mine and it felt just right. The tension built quickly and the desire to take it further was strong. We stayed within the rules previously discussed with my husband. No naked time. I left that date feeling young, invigorated, and rich with desire. Desire to learn more about this intriguing man. Physically, mentally, emotionally, sexually. It was that immediate connection that left me wanting more out of my relationships.
It wasn’t an instantaneous shift from orgy party scene to dating separately. We had been experimenting with separate room sex within the same location for a few months at that point. Both delighted with the intensified intimacy induced by one on one interaction. For my husband it was more about focusing on his partner without me as a distraction. (Apparently my dirty talk and loud moaning are difficult to ignore.) For me it was getting more out of men than what they would comfortably give with their wives nearby. It was a variety of things. Increased passion, upping the vulgarity of our sexual banter, or being free to grant my request to be used like a little whore. We were having less shared sexual experiences, but continued to discuss the details of our personal ventures.
The progression toward preferring private sexual experiences coupled with the distinct connection and intrigue of that first date inspired me to reevaluate my changing needs and desires.
–Much more to share on this incredible journey. Stay tuned for parts 2 and 3 to get caught up to the present. Roller coaster ride in progress. Hold on tight!