Permission to Play

My handsome husband (HH) and I have a general rule of not playing separately. We certainly default to same room whenever possible, but every once in a while we will be in a situation where playing separately makes sense. Both of us are traveling quite a bit these days, so this possibility is becoming more frequent. While one or both of us are traveling, we talk on the phone often. Usually late at night when we are both stripped down and comfortable in bed. We will start chatting about our day, how everything is going and how much we are lusting after one another. Our sex stories almost always include other people. Especially  if we were around other people we’d be interested in playing with.  There is a recurring theme of single men and I, they don’t necessarily have to be single, it’s more about the one on one. This is a our current favorite.

As circumstance would have it, on a scheduled business trip I was going to be staying with a guy, actually single. He’s not in the lifestyle but I’m told he’s open to the idea. (I mean what single guy isn’t interested in having sex??) Prior to my departure of this trip HH and I had a very steamy and sexy discussion about all of the things he’d like for this guy to do to me, and what I’d like him to do to me in return. It was a fantastic conversation and definitely did the trick for that evening.

Now fast forward to my actual stay. This guy and I hit it off well, I was definitely attracted to him, and the 2 bottles of wine and amazing sushi that we polished off didn’t hurt either. He was flirty, but not over bearing. Gentle with a light sprinkling of sexual innuendos and a confidence that I always find irresistible. When it came to sleeping arrangements I was offered 3 choices: couch, futon or in his bed. Now for some reason this is the juncture that I tend to panic. I wanted to go, I was pretty sure I had permission to go, but because HH was asleep I couldn’t ask directly. And frankly, the idea of being with anyone else like that one on one tends to make me freak out. I politely declined and chose the futon, disappointed in my decision almost immediately. This is also another recurring theme in our lives, I’m given pretty explicit permission to do what I’d like with whichever lucky (or not so lucky) guy that I chose and I back out. Every. Time. Or I invite someone else to join in. Also, for some reason if HH is in the same house/building, I can get along with it OK too. Maybe this situation is scary to me for a reason or maybe I’m just being a big pussy about it.

I’d love to hear how others conquered this fear or if you’ve chosen not to go down this path, what reasons you have for keeping same room. In our fantasies it’s an amazing experience, just not sure how to kick that into reality or if we even really should.

1 Comment

  1. These lessons are always learned through trial…error…and regret at missed opportunities. One time while I was travelling on business, Nicoleta went to a friends house for dinner. Great group, not lifestyle but very open-minded and flirty. One particular couple was there that Nicoleta really hit it off with; heavy flirting with the guy and she was absolutely lusting for him. As dinner ended and people were hanging out drinking she went exploring the house with this couple, which landed them in a bedroom, which then got hot, heavy and completely naked (they took all her clothes off). The guys wife, seeing the connection he had with Nicoleta as she was making out with him, said “you know, I think you should fuck her!”. Nicoleta experienced the same panic you did in your story. She knew (pretty well) that I was okay with anything, as she had (at the time) more boundaries for me than I did for her, but she still recoiled and ended the play session. She figured that after she spoke with me the next day then she’d get another opportunity with the guy another day. Now 6 years later, that day has never come and it’s a huge, huge regret for her. Life is short, so if your spouse (or significant other) is okay with something, then indulge and enjoy. The biggest regrets we have in life are almost always the things we didn’t do, not the things we did or the adventures we seized upon.


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