The Blame Game

This summer has been an interesting one. If you’ve followed our blog, you know there hasn’t been a whole lot to follow or at least we haven’t been writing about it. Personally, there is a lot going on in my life.  But there was also a scenario that kicked off the summer that may be contributing to our lack of lifestyle involvement, or I’m just in a lifestyle lull. Either way, hopefully our experience will help others in the future.

The summer started out with a fantastic Friction pool party. Like a lot of lifestyle events, these parties can be hit or miss, but this one was a BIG hit. The crowd was fantastic. The hot to not ratio was off the charts and everyone seemed like they were pretty down to earth. We made some new friends, and got to spend some quality time with friends we’ve had for a while. We met a new couple and we were fortunate to have begun conversation online prior to the event, and it felt like we were really going to hit it off. When we met in person, there was fantastic chemistry between my husband and her, and even me and her, but me and the guy just didn’t seem to click. Well, really he didn’t seem super interested in chatting with me but it was still fun getting to know them at the party. We kept running into them at various meeting points during the event and things were more than cordial. Hubby and I decided to head back to our room, and a dear male friend of ours was kind enough to join us [will follow up with more details on this in a later post]. The three of us has an amazing time together, and we left the door open just in case anyone wanted to peak in, or join us. The couple that we had been courting showed up, and my husband was very excited to see her. They began playing around while I was still busy entertaining our current guest, but I invited the guy over to join us when I noticed he hadn’t taken the initiative himself. He politely declined and then proceeded to coax his woman to leave. Which didn’t take too long to do.

Afterwards we discussed the scenario and we thought it was less than ideal, but maybe it was getting too late? Maybe he just wasn’t interested in me? We couldn’t quite place it. When we saw them the next day at the pool party, we received the cold shoulder and some scowling looks from the male half. We really couldn’t figure out what we did wrong. The attitude continued throughout the day and into the party that evening as well. Eventually my husband went and chatted with him, we certainly don’t like to leave a situation like this unaddressed. It turns out he felt that he was “bait n’ switched”. Or somehow felt that he was getting the raw end of the deal and he didn’t appreciate that the swap wasn’t “fair” or “even”. We are still a bit in shock by this. His lady came in and made it very obvious that she was interested in my man by jumping on the bed and sprawling her legs immediately. Maybe he felt that him and I would hook up by default? And even still, I did invite him to join in. There were no discussions about expectations or rules as it all happened so quickly. I felt bad that things went down like they did. I hate for people to be in situations that they don’t want to be in, but for god’s sake, communicate with your partner, if not only for the security in your own relationship but for the impact your lack of communication has on other people. It’s perfectly OK to have a rule that says “we need to sync up evenly” or “I can only play if you get to” or really ANY rule that you want, but if you have that rule that stick with it. And trust me, I know that we all sometimes get ahead of ourselves, make mistakes, go too far, but that’s our own responsibility and not the fault of others if we make the decision to go that route.


1 Comment

  1. It’s situations like this that taught us, over time, that you never know what people’s drama is, and that we can’t control that. It took us awhile, but we learned to stop taking things personally, knowing that we didn’t do anything wrong and if someone interpreted/misinterpreted some situation then we just can’t spend our lives worrying about it or trying to fix it. Often, we found, those things stem from deeper issues with them as a couple, and not the people they just met (us). Though It does suck when someone gets sideways over some unspoken boundary or rule and then refuses to talk about it. Glad to see you writing again!!!


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