Every couple starts with their very own set of rules. If this isn’t something that you’ve done, I highly recommend that you try to think through some of your previous sexual experiences and your fantasies and ask each other questions as you describe them. Ask yourself “would I be OK watching my partner make out with the female half of the other couple?” Or “Would it make me uncomfortable if that same girl went down on me?” Not having these rules in the beginning can lead to confusion about your experience and also some resentment, so it’s ideal to try to think these through.
And like any responsible swinging couple, we talked through our rules before we attended our first local swingers’ hangout called The House. Our rules were actually fairly simple and they were created equally. In order to establish our rules, we discussed the scenarios that we thought were possible for the evening and identified the things that gave us even a twinge of discomfort. In the end we established one very simple rule: No Kissing the opposite sex. When I tell people that rule now it seems a little silly, after all it was totally fine for a man to penetrate me, but not with his tongue in my mouth. Oh, the irony of it all. However, we were in control of where we wanted to take things that night and if a couple thought this was too much or too weird, then they could kindly venture on and our hunt would continue.
Early in the day, we were approached by a few different couples at The House. They seemed friendly and kind, but took no notice of the fact that we mentioned we were brand new to the lifestyle and to The House and after 15-20 minutes of banter, invited us back to play with them. We politely declined and went on hunting for our first couple.
Finally, there was an extremely tall man that I took notice of along with his gorgeous wife. They were both probably late 30’s-early 40’s and obviously took great care of their bodies. The four of us hit it off instantly. We spent the remainder of the day and evening chit-chatting and getting to know each other better. We discussed what our rule(s) were and they were obliged. Eventually after I had an amazing naked make out session with this beautiful woman in the heated pool, we discussed going into a room to play. We agreed. We were both insanely nervous and excited at the same time. They knew our rules and we were good-to-go. However, that night we had two things happen that were unexpected. First, we had met friends of theirs throughout the evening that they subsequently invited in to play with us. We had not spent much time with them but they were hot and we decided to go with the flow. Next, even though we had sufficiently discussed our rules, that seemed to go out the window the second we got onto the bed. The very first thing she did was grab my partner’s face and start making out with him. He looked over at me like “Oh, no! I didn’t do it” and I looked at him as to say “It’s OK” and we could continue on.
Truth be told, the reality of the rule-break was far less intense than it was in my head. I never mentioned anything to that couple again about that particular rule and we also decided that I should kiss the other partner as well and see how we felt about it. We liked having out limits pushed and this was no exception. The night ended amazingly with it culminating in me being bent over this “horse” and him leaving a very happy customer.
So, in the end I think that establishing rules in the beginning is very important to be successful in this endeavor. However, you have to know your partner, know their limits and constantly check-in to make sure that everything is still good. It’s amazing how much communication can occur just through eye-contact, so have a good grasp on your partner and everything will end up just the way you want it to.