Speak Up!

The lifestyle has changed me in numerous ways, but one notable example is how I’ve become an assertive woman.

We were four months into full swap, in that ‘make plans every weekend, scour the websites daily, fuck like newlyweds, how could life get any better than this’ phase. We had been chatting and exchanging back stage passes for a few months with a super sexy couple we were meeting at our first hotel takeover. First impression was phenomenal. Chemistry was spot on. GOOD LORD…her body and his cock were damn near our version of a perfect match. Fast forward past the awe inspiring girl play. He and I start fucking. OH MY GOD. That cock filled me up completely. He was just the right amount of dirty. At first. Then he took it to the next level, no questions asked, no consideration for my body, feelings, or preferences. As he pounded me from behind he forced my face into his girl’s pussy so hard I couldn’t move or breathe. Then he flipped me onto my back and continued railing me. This time clutching my neck, making me gasp for air. Not only was his grip painful, but I was a bit anxious about not being able to take a deep breath. I remember glancing over to my husband with ‘please save me’ eyes, but he was facing the opposite direction. I said nothing. I did nothing. I let myself get used. And abused. I had the bruises around my neck to prove it.

I blame him for assuming this behavior was acceptable without any previous conversations regarding rules and preferences. I blame myself for not speaking up. The pressure I felt to ensure his pleasure was optimized outweighed the regard I held for my own well being. It was one of those rules you don’t even realize is a rule until it happens. I had never been choked before, how could I have known it was a no go for me? Every pre-play conversation with new-to-us couples since then has included rules and preferences.

In addition to clarifying beforehand my dislike for being choked, I’ve mastered the art of being assertive in the moment. It took being degraded to learn the importance of verbalizing my desires. My pleasure matters as much as my playmates. If it’s too much I say so, when I want more I demand more. If your face is between my thighs and the technique isn’t working for me, I provide detailed suggestions on how to get me to climb that mountain.

Negative or positive. Be your own pleasure advocate.

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