We all have a type. Generally. Most of us also appreciate variety. We all peruse profiles and make initial judgments based solely on appearance. How many of us have immediately turned up our noses based on an overly toothy grin, a cheesy wardrobe choice (i.e. Affliction gear), or a dad bod? I’m guilty of all of the above. I can be a judgmental bitch, but I embrace it. I call it a charming character flaw. People love my brutal honesty. Or maybe that’s another one of my flaws. What I’ve come to learn is not to discount every person I cringe at. Attraction is an interesting thing. It’s instant. Or it’s not. But the beautiful thing is it can change.
We met a couple at a house party. Cute petite blonde, perfect beach curls, wanted into each other’s panties within the first five minutes. Her other half was nice enough. But the smile. Oh god the smile. The gum to tooth ratio was way off. I can’t handle it. How could I possibly swap spit with this guy? I avoided him. He either took the hint, was being respectful, or knew I was out of his league. Whatever the reason, I was thankful. It wasn’t a total bust for him. Who doesn’t get a boner watching a sexy naked chick between your wife’s thighs? He enjoyed the show. As evidence by him bending his wife over after I made her cum and fucking her quite nicely for everyone to see. Even then, I avoided looking at his face. Focus on her creamy white tits bouncing, focus on the moans of pleasure, for God’s sake focus on ANYTHING but the gums! We parted ways, called it a semi-successful night, had the oh so familiar “sorry babe, I know you’d love to bone her, but it’s just not gonna happen” talk on the drive home.
The next day we get the thank you message. That’s cool. I appreciate a kind gesture. They hope to get to know us better, it says. Fuck. This is where my mind and body are torn. My vagina says “oh hell no, I don’t fuck ugly.” Even from behind I’m not sure I could forget that dentist’s nightmare. Then I realize I do have a heart. I’m not perfect (gasp! the horror) and maybe, just maybe I could be missing out on a really great friendship here. So…we invite them out family style, no pressure or assumptions. It was comfortable, light hearted, and dare I say, fun. These kid-friendly outings continued. Each time I found something non-physical I liked about this guy. The way he adored his wife, how he recalled their nearly identical love story, his nerdy almost-innocence, the tenderness he displayed with their toddlers, the respect he showed by never once crossing the invisible line. I even came to like his easy laugh, despite the open mouth that came along with it. All of these mental attractions made him cute to me. The four of us have since become close friends and fuck buddies. It’s relaxed, secure, predictable.
I’m glad my heart and mind were victorious. This vagina can be a real bitch in battle. Even at the ripe old age of 33 I’m relearning that timeless life lesson. “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” Your physical attributes aren’t required to be a 9/10. Your personality can take you from a 6 to balls deep in just a few friendly outings. Attraction really is a funny thing.