Human Nature or Greed?

True love is my favorite emotion. My second favorite is lust. As much as I adore my husband and our open minded sexual relationship, I still fantasize about having an affair. Am I just that greedy or is it human nature? My husband allows me to have sex with other men, why on earth do I desire infidelity? I get some sort of high by pushing limits, breaking rules, and living on the edge. I crave the passion and primal desire that accompanies taboo sexual relationships. I want what I can’t have. I wonder whether or not I would’ve cheated on my husband had we not chosen our path into the lifestyle. I will never know the answer to that question. For that I am thankful. We are selfish beings. We make most decisions with our hearts and minds, sometimes our gut. Conversely, sexual desire is driven by hormones, partly beyond our control. Moments of passion diminish rational thinking. So what is it that prevents us all from being home wreckers? For me it’s two things. One is not putting myself in situations that increase my potential for giving into temptation. The other is continually reminding myself how much I have to lose and how insignificant a few minutes of mind blowing sex are in the grand scheme of things.

I have a crush on my boss. I dream of him seducing me. Of going to work wearing my cute panties for once, anxiously awaiting the call that he needs to discuss something important with me immediately. He locks the door, picks me up and takes me to his desk. Pushes everything off carelessly, with desire and force. Jerks my pants down to my knees, flips me onto my belly and bends me over. He dives every inch of his thick eager cock inside of me in one deliberate motion. His hands are on my shoulders for leverage, forcing me to take all of him, massaging my cervix with the tip of his throbbing cock. He grabs my hair at the root and keeps pounding, slamming into me so fucking hard and deep it hurts. He covers my mouth when I scream and whispers into my ear, “your tight little pussy can’t handle this big cock can it? Take it baby, take it all. Your pussy feels so good wrapped around my cock. I’m going to use it like my little fuck toy. Make me cum baby.”

I’ve played this fantasy out in various details many times. My boss has called me to his office. He is always professional and I follow suit. Sure I get a little tingly when I’m sitting alone with him, but I’ve never crossed the invisible line. I make a conscious effort to separate work and play. I know when to put on my normal face. In addition, when I’m not overly horny, I remind myself that I’m not deprived of feeling that kind of passion and newness. My husband grants me permission to do so and the best part is I can share those incredible experiences with him. We’ve come too far. We have created our ideal lives and built a friendship and love meaningful beyond our greatest expectations.

I recently spoke with my husband about my affair fantasy. I felt guilty, but was curious if he had similar thoughts. I breathed a sigh of relief when he revealed nearly identical coworker fantasies. He was thankful I shared such intimate secrets and said “as long as we always keep these things out in the open we shouldn’t feel guilty or greedy.” Fantasies are what this lifestyle is founded on. Why should I suddenly start hiding things when honesty is at the core of it all?

We as a species are sex driven. We struggle with choosing between what’s rational and what feels good. I accept and embrace the power of sexuality, but declare free will a superior force. We are flawed, but we are, after all, only human.

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